Questions of Faith, and changes

Its hard to believe its been over a year since I’ve published anything here at all.  And even then, it was perfunctory.

The last several years (3-4 years maybe more) have been in some respects, a test of faith for me, and the gods testing me.   I can’t say where it started specifically, other than the general lack of growth I’d experienced for several years.

I should have known that was a sign.

I’d grown comfortable in my faith.  Blots, Sumbels, FSG, an occasional festival somewhere else, it was heathenism “by the book.”

The Norse gods hate it when we’re comfy, particularly the traveller.   The rune Wunjo tells us that if we’re comfortable, we don’t move, so we need to be made uncomfortable in order to grow.

So where did this forced growth start for me?  There were several things that happened across a year or two.

The development of “Scribe, Philosopher, Mystic” . with Eric S.   It’s amazing how something that started out as a joke, turned into a class, and then a view on approaches to religion.   I still refer back to our talks all the time to explore where I am at.   I’ve learned a lot.

  1. Starting my study of Seidr with Laurel Mendes, and the Mid Atlantic Spae group. – I cannot begin to explain how much this has changed my perception of the nature of things.  The skills that I have learned became an interesting set of lessons since I started down the path of a Seidmadr.
  2. The death of my father in 2015 – The death of my father 2015, unexpectedly, and in front of me, as I performed CPR on him, haunts me even today.
  3. The death of several friends – I realize I am hitting that age where friends begin to die, but its been tough.  For the last two years every few weeks, its another friend.
  4. The frustration with my current book – I’ve written three versions of my book, and each one, when I get done, I’m dissatisfied with.   Its not writer’s block, its frustration with my product, which is different.

My wife used to be a part of a tradition where there was a level of initiation that was “indicated” based upon crises of faith and chaos.   I ask myself if I’m going through that now.

So why am I writing this here, now?

Over the next year, I’m going to tackle each of these topics, in an attempt to get a handle on them, and I’ll write about them here, in hopes that they may help someone else.

 

 

 

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